Writing for me comes and goes in spurts. Usually it comes halfway through a run in the middle of the night, and passes by the time I am able to turn around and reach home. I’m sitting here in the dark with my bedroom window open, the cold air spilling in and all the sudden what I really wanted to say just felt like it was ready to come out via my fingers.
When I was a young teenager I was fascinated by the adventures of The Knights of Glory and Beer. It was a group of everyman’s and living legends. People I saw at the bank every day, and people I only read about on sites like Crossroads of Britannia and ImaNewbie. I followed them around as much as I could, and I tried so hard to be as brave and larger than life as they were. They stood up to the seemingly endless waves of griefers, player killers, and scammers. In a world (as Ultima was to me back then.. the only real world that mattered =P) filled with so much evil and mistrust The Knights of Glory and Beer were to me a real life counterpart to the heroes of the films I was raised on. You know the ones I’m talking about.. Films featuring over the top action stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Jean Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Steven Segal, etc.
When I finally became a member of this organization, it was like being in a dream for me. Which coincidentally is rather ironic given that I have so many awesomely fond memories of my time as a member yet I seemed to have rubbed an awful lot of people the wrong way. I suppose thats how it is when you are young – you don’t even realize how much of a loud mouthed retard you are. For some reason for all those years almost all of ’em were great to me. Hell, some of them still are even to this day.
So you see KGB to me is far more than just a guild. It’s so many things.. The right thing to do, the only real “good guys” left out there. Hell, to this day I’m unable to stop behaving in games like the KGB members I idolized when I was a kid. I don’t player kill, I don’t grief, I go out of my way to help people, and I usually find myself being the one “good guy” in a sea of 4 chan / b-tards. (Much to the amusement of the players who get their kicks mocking the “care-bear”)
KGB is a piece of my youth, a damn big one. It’s my family, my friends, a piece of who I am and who I hope to be. My father was gone from twelve to eighteen – my mother busy working.. Those members of KGB whether through intent or circumstance invested time and effort into making me into a decent human being. Unfortunately, I kicked sand in their faces and ran away before they could see who I became.
Some people don’t understand why reconciling with these people matters to me. They just don’t get why it matters so much to me that I be allowed to “come home”, to change things with what they see is just “a guild”.
But it’s not just a guild.
It’s a part of me, it’s my family, my friends, and without them I feel like something is missing.
I like to think everyone made mistakes they would like to be go back and change. I’d like to think everyone was as much of a retard as I was when they were in their teens and early twenties. I just don’t understand why it seems there are so many people out there who turn their back when I try and apologize. Even after all these years.. How can someone be so cold and turn their back when you come to them of your free will – looking to make amends and start things new.
Especially people I used to consider close friends.
How can someone not forgive the stupidity of youth?
If I have to spend the next ten years unguilded – Thats fine with me. As long as I can play along side my friends, what does it matter if I have -KGB- over my head.
Blah – I’m going to play some Age of Conan.
Comments on this entry are closed.